Bravo-ssimo!!

Being a woman can be one of the most empowering feelings in the world, and there's nothing quite like other women supporting women.

I've not felt quite as empowered as I have done since I joined the "mummy" community. It's a whole new world with a new level of understanding. Other mummies supporting each other is so uplifting. Those knowing smiles, nods and supportive glances, I don't take any of it for granted.

There is however, something that has knocked my confidence and that may seem like the most whingiest whinge to some people but to me it's affected not just the way I look at myself but the way I feel about myself mentally, too.

Our bodies change after birthing a child. It's been 2 years since that moment and I am not one of those people whose bodies have sprung back to how it was pre pregnancy. I have put on a lot of weight, my shape is entirely different and my boobs are just ridiculous. Clothes don't fit how they used to, I struggle to recognise the person in the mirror and actually like what I see. As someone who wholeheartedly supports all shapes and sizes, it feels a bit shitty of me to say I'm not so happy with my own body right now and so I will start this section with a caveat to say that I am all for people being comfortable in their bodies no matter what size you are and I celebrate you and appreciate that we all have our difficulties, gripes and insecurities. For me it's just the fact that my body has changed and I am grieving what was once there while simultaneously trying to appreciate what my body has been through and what it is now. It may not be just to do with having a baby though, I've seen a slump in my mood, I'm also older now and my skin is changing with age. In the last year I've been dealing with ongoing bouts of eczema on my hands which are so uncomfortable and unsightly...we could be seeing numerous asteroids hitting this planet of mine and making me feel a little out of orbit.

I thought I dealt with one of my insecurities not long after my baby was born. My boobs. Even before baby they were a little larger than life, and although my friends sometimes can be envious of a bigger bust, these larger than life ladies give me back pain, they put me up a clothes size or 2 and they just get in the way. I don't particularly like them very much. I have appreciated them more than anything when my son was born, as I was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed and I am truly grateful for that, however, once that ended I was left with what can only be described as some sad watermelons shoved in a truly unsightly maternity bra (because the pretty kind don't go up that large, that I could find at the time anyway!). I went and got measured, a process which I trusted. The lady with the tape measure did her thing and although not seemingly very set on a specific size she left me with a ball park figure and a bra that I felt comfortable-ish in. I felt ok again, but who wants to feel just okay, when you could feel on top of the world?

The bras I ended up purchasing were fine but I wasn't 100% comfortable in them, there was digging, there was discomfort and there was bulging in the wrong places and I was feeling disheartened up to a few weeks ago when I became so sore I had to dig through a bag of old bras/tights and random odd socks to find the trusty maternity bra again. But hey, it makes you feel so sexy when you are trying to adjust yourself and you accidentally flip the catch holding a boob in doesn't it? No....it does not. A maternity bra was not the one for someone who hadn't breastfed in over a year. After receiving a recommendation from a doctor to visit Bravissimo (thanks to yet another doctors visit about my back and neck pain) I booked in for a fitting there, despite being worried about my part time worker bank account and just feeling daunted about the chance of another bad fitting and wasted bra purchases.

I vented to a friend about my dissatisfaction of my body in one of my many podcast voice notes I leave her, and she swiftly replied and pointed me in the direction of a wonderful Instagram account - the.confidentmama. Well I could have cried with happiness watching this amazing young woman jiggling her tummy in her underwear (the same belly as me, no doubt) and talk about the best types of fits of clothes for bigger boobs/bigger tums/bigger legs. It gave me an instant boost and understanding of myself. Yes, I'm a mummy, this is me and I should be proud of it, I suddenly had a little flame of mum-power lighting up inside.

My bravissimo appointment rolled round on Thursday last week and with a little of that confident mama feeling , I sat there waiting, I looked around at the walls, adorned with quotes from women who were thankful and empowered and I felt a little doubtful that I could ever feel the same, but the second I was handed a bra from the fitting assistant and was told about the errors which the previous shops had made with my fittings and talked about why those other bras had been so uncomfortable and unsupportive and it was at this moment I saw my new and slightly aged body suddenly looking shapely and, dare I say it, sexy. The mirror was showing me a different person to what I had seen the last few years. That earlier flame exploded into a fireball in my tummy and I suddenly felt confident, proud and like every little piece of me that had been lost was suddenly back in its rightful place.

So, in some cases, size does matter....and you may have read through this post, man or woman, wondering why you are hearing about a bra fitting... but this story holds more to it than that. Taking steps that hold a level of discomfort, understanding that if you have any grievance with yourself due to changes in your mind or your body, that it doesn't mean you should settle at that.

Simple steps can lead to huge realisations and a complete change of heart....and hopefully, lead you back to the love you once had for yourself!

So THANK YOU and BRAVO Bravissimo for making me feel like a sexy mama, For the very first time!