I saw the sign...

Do you ever, at the point of desperation....beg for a sign?

This is not, saying a prayer as part of a religion, this is being at the point of desperatlion where you clasp your hands together and pray to anyone, an unknown force, or speak to someone who has passed or just looked at the stars above and begged....for some help, for some support. To be fixed.

Today I did just that. Mentally I seemed to have slid down some snakes on the board and I’ve just found myself grasping at the ladders I’ve passed en route with no luck.

I have been experiencing a lot of physical pain with a bad neck and back...I’ve seen all sorts of professionals and the situation is getting no better, I have been getting more stressed and mental pain of my health anxiety has just hopped on board for the ride.

I tried everything today. Meditations, Ice Packs, sobbing down the phone to health care professionals and just giving up. So i sat and pleaded to nobody in particular to help me...to help me cope, help me feel better, help me deal with the thoughts running through my mind. Later this evening I tried my best to use grounding techniques to work my mind away from the sore points and try and continue as normal as best I could. After a long hot bath, I decided to take myself to bed, and without thinking, grabbed a Mindfulness book off the shelf in my living room. I thought maybe flicking through its pages might rest my busy mind before drifting off to slumber. As I went to take myself upstairs I opened the cover and found a piece of lined paper, folded into a square. Carefully unfolding the sheet I was transported back a few years to a time I had once again asked for help, in the form of a telephone counsellor, who’s kind and soft voice had told me to grab a pen and write down the words he said, an affirmation, unique to me, that would remind me that the bad thoughts would not serve me. His words once again, grasping my mind and softening something within me.

In that moment I felt that force, the one I had asked for help, I felt that was a message and something I was meant to find.

I have a feeling it’s not done yet...

Even if you don’t believe in something else, believe in yourself, that something will show itself to help you in the darkest of hours.

Today I saw the sign,

and something within me now feels mended.