I wish it could be Christmas everyday...

The January blues hit me last night.  

I felt it almost trying to steam roller me in my tracks, slowly.

It’s that time when life is settling back into normality after the beautiful bubble of Christmas magic.

I took the Christmas decorations down at work yesterday and I sat at my desk looking around with a sense of “back to this again then”.  My heart mourns those little baubles being shut away in their tin, the tinsel being tied into its bag and locked in the cupboard for the next 11 months...I say goodbye to the flashing USB snowman which I have scrawled my name on so I can be reunited with him again.  I struggle with the separation of my things. The closure of the Christmas Season just impacts that feeling even more.

I have always been this way, had difficulties letting go.  I become attached to belongings, places and people.

I think too much into their histories.  What will happen to me in the next year from when I closed that Christmas decoration box to when it's opened back up again.

A lot of people have the sadness of taking the decorations down but I do sometimes wonder how many other people feel a sense of loss when it's all gone.

I don't want to be misleading here, I am very excited for the new year. I have lots going on this year, weddings to attend, friends having babies and a house move all on the cards, but this sudden change to the season brings a sense of uncertainty.

This month I should be moving. This is wonderful news, but for those who have previously bought a home, they will understand the long process. The waiting for completion dates and the lack of contact from anyone who should be filling you in.

Me and Mr A are going to a bigger home, we need it as my one bedroom flat can no longer hold us AND our belongings (AND all my clothes!). I am so excited about this new adventure but at the same time I am terrified, because I know I will need to say goodbye to the place that is currently our home, my beautiful little flat. It was my first big adventure, my first home away from home, and it's proved to be so important in this chapter of my life. I am attached, and cutting those ties is going to be hard for me.

I enter this year, this month, knowing that I have great things coming but that those great things will come with some mentally challenging problems for me. However, this is a good example of keeping in mind the bigger picture. Those dealing with anxiety will understand this is something that doesn't come so easily, doubts, insecurities, uncertainties will reign over positive feelings and situations.

I have decided I will use my mental challenges as a ladder, to hitch myself over that hill and get to the good stuff. Yes, I have realised and admitted I have the January blues, but the fact is I have noticed that and I am challenging it, in fact, I am already one up on the Kim from this time in 2018!

So IF you feel the blues are hitting you, stop, relax, focus and climb that ladder alongside me.

In 11 months the magic will be back and we will want to look at our year as one where we had strength and hope but we also want that happiness.

Happy New Year one and all....

*Kim*