“We hope you enjoy looking back...”

I have been somewhat of a stickler for making memories over the years. I have always seen it as a small part of my OCD (some of it has been a little obsessive), that I need to hold on to things as long as I can, whether I want to remember or not, as it may be a part of my life’s DNA, collections, items, that if one day it was demanded I could haul a load of crap out from under my bed and say “hey, this is me!”.

I have been known to hoard useless bits and pieces but when I have looked back through items either I have looked In awe and been transported back to another time coated in good feelings and thoughts or I’ve pondered, why have I even saved this? Over the last few weeks i‘ve thought more and more about a way To keep healthy memories, I have always taken photos, as many as I can to help me remember feelings, places and faces. My parents have such a wonderful collection of photographs and I’ve spent many times over many ages sitting and looking through, my younger years, my awkward teens and through a time before I had even arrived. I love it...I love getting lost in these memories that aren’t even all mine. This same memory making is engrained within me and something I was beautifully reminded about while reading Meik Wikings, The Art of Making Memories. One of my wiser lockdown purchases being a number of photo albums and spending some time recharging and scrolling through my old phones ready to print and album so o can have the same logged memories my parents do.

For the more modern world we have memories thrown back at us each and every day, my Phone can randomly throw me a whole album of “pets” telling me that hubreeds of pictures of my cat are ready for me to view. Facebook tells me daily that I have memories ready for me to view, transporting me back to 2009...and so this post was born. It was this week in my friends group that my good friend C posted a wonderful picture of her and her, now, husband, such wonderful memories she holds and something I love to see as this was actually BK (before Kim) and I love seeing their lives before I experienced any of it with them. I made a jokey comment saying her 2009 memories were so joyful and happy and mine from that same year are filled with passive aggressive comments on my posts from a controlling ex as we neared the end of our relationship. C mentioned I can go back and remove these old posts so they are not thrown in my face all the time and at this point I said something which I didn’t even need to think about “Oh no I don’t mind, I like to be reminded that I was lucky to escape!!”.

It’s absolutely true, it wasn‘t a physically abusive relationship but it was emotionally abusive and I endured a lot that still to this day I struggle with. Some thoughts from then, and from the fallout for a few years afterwards have haunted me for a long time, there is an awful lot I try and block out but I would never delete a memory. All we have gone through, all we have said and done is part of us, it doesn’t mean we always feel that way and it doesn’t mean we can’t have regrets. We grow, we adapt, we learn. If every year I have to read a snidey comment reminding me of how bad I had it then, I will be happy, because I can read it with a smile at how good I have it now, even if I don’t have it as good as I’d like it. I just keep going...

So this post is my reminder to you to keep making memories and don’t try and erase the bad ones. They all make us who we are.

Kim

💕✌🏻☮️